Asking Before Assuming: How to Engage Church-Seekers with Grace

When Church Seekers Ask Online

Scrolling through my town’s neighborhood Facebook group recently, I came across two posts that gave me pause.

One woman wrote: “My husband and I are looking for a new church to join, welcoming, inviting, loving, nonjudgmental group.”

Another said: “My husband and I are looking for a church that promotes love and unity and not judgment.”

Now, I’ll be honest with you. My first instinct was to keep scrolling. It’s always easier to move on to the next lost-cat post (and there are plenty of those in my feed!). But these posts made me think about how to respond to church seekers online with both truth and grace.

I didn’t engage right away. But those posts lingered with me, and the comment sections stuck out even more. Church recommendations poured in, one after another, but not a single person asked, “What do you mean by welcoming?” or “What does unity look like to you?”

That gap stirred something in me. Because posts like these, even if they come from people who may not be true believers, are opportunities. Opportunities to point someone to Christ with gentleness and truth, if we’re willing to ask before we assume.

Why Words Matter

Words like welcoming, loving, nonjudgmental, and unity sound wonderful. Who wouldn’t want that? But they can mean very different things depending on who’s speaking them.

Welcoming might mean, “We want a friendly smile at the door.” Or it might mean, “We want affirmation without repentance.”

Nonjudgmental could mean, “Don’t look down on my past.” Or it could mean, “Never talk about sin, holiness, or God’s wrath.”

Unity might mean, “Let’s walk together in Christ.” Or it could mean, “Let’s avoid hard truths in the name of peace.”

This is why it matters that we don’t assume. Paul warned Timothy:

“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions.” 2 Timothy 4:3

That time isn’t coming. It’s here. And yet, that doesn’t mean every person asking for a “nonjudgmental church” is hunting for false teaching. Some may simply be hurting, or carrying baggage from previous church experiences.

Don’t Assume. Ask.

Here’s where we as believers can step in with love and truth. Instead of rushing to recommend a church (or staying silent), we can practice how to respond to church seekers online by engaging with clarifying questions.

  • “When you say nonjudgmental, what does that look like to you?”
  • “What has been your past church experience?”
  • “What are you hoping for in a church?”
  • “Would you be open to a church that faithfully preaches God’s Word, even when it’s hard?”

Scripture gives us our posture:

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6

Love and Truth Go Hand in Hand

One of the biggest traps we can fall into is separating love from truth. But in Christ, the two cannot be divided.

“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ.” Ephesians 4:15

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us… full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

If we only affirm without truth, we offer sentiment without salvation. If we only speak truth without love, we come across as harsh and uncaring. The call is both.

A Practical Engagement

So, next time you see a post like this, don’t scroll past (and don’t just drop your church’s address in the comments either). Instead, ask. Engage. Be gracious. Be curious. And be ready to point to Christ, not just a building.

Who knows? Maybe that person really is looking for a social club disguised as a church. But maybe… just maybe… they’re searching for something deeper, and your question could be the open door to the gospel.

That’s how I plan to respond next time. Not with silence, not with assumptions, but with prayer, a gentle question, and a willingness to speak of the Savior who offers true welcome. Through repentance and faith in Him.

Blessing and Cursing: What our Words Reveal About Our Heart

I was chatting with a friend recently about something we’ve both noticed scrolling through social media. Out of one breath, people who claim Christ post something encouraging, filled with scripture, reminding us of God’s goodness. And then out of the other breath, those same accounts share posts that stir up fear, spread conspiracy-like claims, or throw around harsh words toward leaders, politicians, or anyone who disagrees with them.

It’s jarring, isn’t it? And it begs the question: what is flowing out of our mouths and our keyboards?

James 3:9-10 says, “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.”

That’s a sobering reminder.

The Heart Behind the Post

Before I go further, let me be clear: I’m not saying we can’t stand firm in our convictions or share truth in public spaces. I certainly have strong beliefs about certain issues. But I’ve also had to learn that it matters how we communicate them and why.

So here’s a helpful pause before posting (or even speaking):

  • Why am I sharing this? Is it to glorify God, or just to stir emotion?
  • What’s my tone? Am I standing firm in truth, or just venting?
  • Will this build up or tear down?

Ephesians 4:29 tells us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

That applies to our thumbs typing on a screen just as much as to our voices in a conversation.

What Scripture Says About Our Words

The Bible gives us clear instruction about how we are to speak, even when we disagree:

  • Toward those we dislike or consider enemies: “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).
  • Toward leaders: Paul wrote, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God” (Romans 13:1). And again, “I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions” (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
  • Toward one another in the body of Christ: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you… Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Notice that none of these verses give us room to lash out, belittle, or stir up fear. Even in opposition, we are called to humility, kindness, and prayer.

Practical Examples

  • Politics: If you don’t like a politician, how do you talk about them? Instead of lashing out with “they’re destroying everything,” what if we said, “I disagree with this policy, and I’m praying for our leaders” (1 Timothy 2:1-2)? That’s not weakness—it’s obedience.
  • Hot topics (like health, culture, government): You may feel strongly (I know I do), but our convictions don’t give us a license to belittle, spread fear, or sound just like the world. There’s a difference between offering thoughtful perspective and fear-mongering.
  • Everyday interactions: Maybe it’s not even online. Maybe it’s around the dinner table, at church, or in your thoughts about someone. The same standard applies.

More Than Social Media

This isn’t just about what we post online. It’s about the posture of our hearts. What spills out onto social media is usually a reflection of what we’re already rehearsing in our thoughts and private conversations.

Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). If our hearts are filled with anger, bitterness, or fear, that’s what will overflow in our words. But if our hearts are anchored in Christ, then our words will reflect His truth and His love.

Standing Firm in Truth, With Love

Sisters, we can stand firm in truth without stooping to the tactics of the world. We can call sin what it is, speak out against evil, and stand on conviction but always with a heart that seeks to glorify the Lord, not ourselves.

When people see our posts, comments, and conversations, may they see consistency: not blessing God in one breath and cursing His image-bearers in the next, but a steady testimony of women rooted in His Word.

Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what “side” we’re placed on. What matters is that we are faithful to Christ.

My Recommended Bibles

Psalm 23: A Psalm About God (Not You)

Psalm 23 is one of the most beloved and familiar passages in all of scripture. Many of us can recite it from memory, and for good reason. Its words bring comfort in trials, reassurance in uncertainty, and confidence in God’s presence. Recently, I heard a sermon on this psalm that, in my view, didn’t do much service to the actual context. But instead of frustration, it stirred in me the desire to go back to the Word itself. To be a Berean, testing all things against scripture and practicing good hermeneutics.

Every single time we open the Bible, we should start with this posture: Who is God? What does this reveal about Him? That’s our first and most important question. Too often, sermons and devotionals push us toward ourselves: “think of someone you can pray this over,” or “see how Jesus is loving you through this passage.” Now, those ideas aren’t inherently wrong, and there can be moments to draw such encouragement. But if that’s where we begin, we miss the heart of the text. Scripture is not written to trigger our emotions or feed a seeker-friendly experience. It is God’s revelation of Himself. Ladies, I cannot stress it enough: Our calling is to know Him, worship Him, and rest in His truth.

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want” (Verse 1)

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

David opens with a profound image: Yahweh as Shepherd. Throughout the Old Testament, God is called the Shepherd of Israel (Psalm 80:1; Isaiah 40:11). He is the one who guides His flock through the wilderness (Psalm 77:20; 78:52–53). The metaphor emphasizes His care, His provision, and His protection.

Notice what David doesn’t say: “Because I am strong, I lack nothing.” No, the sufficiency is entirely rooted in the Lord. The point is not how resourceful the sheep are, but how faithful the Shepherd is.

Rest, Provision, and Righteous Paths (Verses 2-3)

“He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

The Hebrew word for “still waters” (menuchah) means rest and security. Yahweh Himself provides nourishment, abundance, and true safety. The imagery points us not to emotional warm fuzzies, but to the solid provision of God for His people.

And then this crucial phrase: “for His name’s sake.” The Shepherd’s care is not only about the sheep’s comfort. It is about His glory. His protection, His leading, His restoring work all magnify His name. When He delivers His people, His covenant faithfulness is on display for the watching world (Ezekiel 36:22–32).

This reminds us: the ultimate purpose of Psalm 23 is not my peace or my refreshment, but God’s honor.

God’s Presence in Darkness (Verse 4)

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

David acknowledges reality: life is not always green pastures and still waters. The valley of deep darkness (ra’ah in Hebrew: harm or trouble) is part of the journey. Yet fear does not rule, because the Shepherd is present.

The rod and staff, tools for guiding, protecting, and even disciplining sheep, symbolize God’s care. Sometimes comfort looks like correction. But even in that, His presence is near. The promise is not that we will avoid the valley, but that He will be with us in it.

The Lord as Gracious Host (Verse 5)

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”

Here the imagery shifts: God is not only Shepherd, but Host. In the ancient Near East, hospitality went beyond food. It included protection. A guest could eat safely even while enemies lurked nearby, because the host guaranteed security.

The oil and overflowing cup emphasize abundance. Yahweh doesn’t just provide what is barely enough; His generosity is lavish. Again, the focus is not on the psalmist’s cleverness or strength, but on God’s unshakable provision.

Covenant Love for All Our Days (Verse 6)

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

The Hebrew word for “mercy” here is chesed: God’s covenantal, steadfast love. This is not sentimentality. It is God’s faithful, never-ending commitment to His people.

The phrase “for length of days” points to confidence in God’s enduring presence and care. The psalmist isn’t promising a trouble-free life, but expressing trust that God’s goodness and covenant love will never fail.

Closing Reflection

Psalm 23 comforts us not because it makes us feel good, but because it reveals who God is. He is Shepherd, Restorer, Protector, Host, and Covenant-Keeper. Our emotions may rise or fall, our circumstances may shift from pastures to valleys, but His character is constant.

So let’s resist the temptation to read scripture as though it’s all about us. Instead, let’s read with eyes fixed on the Lord. Ask: Who is God? What does this reveal about Him? That is where true peace and confidence are found.

Or, to put it in a Gandalf sort of way: “You shall not read scripture like seeker-friendly churches!” 😉

Previous Berean Lens Posts:
Discerning Mark 16:15-18

Bibles I love

Faithful in Friendship: God Knows Who We Need

Friendships have never been easy for me. Maybe you can relate. Sometimes I’ve longed for one of those friend groups you see in movies or, let’s be real, in those Instagram posts where a bunch of women are all laughing in unison while holding their matching coffee cups. You know the kind: they’re always together, always texting each other, and always wearing coordinated outfits without even trying. That was the type of connection I thought I wanted.

But as I look back now, I realize that just wasn’t the type of friendship the Lord had planned for me. Instead, He’s been faithful to grow me in trust, discernment, wisdom and faith through friendships that have looked a little different than the “squad girls” image I had in my head.

Seasons of Friendship

Childhood was easy-breezy. Walk into a classroom, step onto a playground and boom… instant play buddy! You didn’t need much to bond. A game of tag, a shared snack, or a pile of legos was enough. Friendship felt simple back then.

Then came the teen years. Friendships were plentiful, but they were mostly surface-level. I’m embarrassed to admit how often I sought out friends who made me look good. I wanted the right people to like me so my “image” could stay polished. Yikes. Friendships were often transactional. What could this do for me? And while I can look back now and recognize some of the insecurity behind those choices, I still repent of it. It was awful. No excuse justifies using people for my own reputation. To this day, I can’t point to a single high school friendship that carried into adulthood. They just weren’t build to last. But God, in His grace, has forgiven me of that sin and has been faithful to reshape the way I view friendship.

Young adulthood didn’t fix the problem. I had friends, sure, but most relationships didn’t go very deep. I was guarded. I had spent so much effort on creating an image, and I was terrified that if people knew the real me, the past I carried, the awkward quirks I couldn’t hide, they’d bail. And honestly? Some did. The old wounds of “friends” who turned out to be bullies in disguise made trusting people an uphill battle.

But then came my late twenties. This was the season when the Lord really started to turn my heart. I wanted Him more. I was showing up at church, desiring obedience, and He was reshaping my life. Wouldn’t you know it, He brought friendships that actually stuck. They weren’t perfect (no friendship is), but they were real. We laughed until we cried. We shared meals and silly stories. We grew in our faith together. And the biggest relief? We all admitted we had gunk. Suddenly, I wasn’t the only one with baggage, quirks, or regrets. That kind of honesty was freeing.

God’s Faithfulness in Friendship

Fast forward to the last ten years. I can look back and see God’s fingerprints all over the friendships He’s brought into my life. Some friendships felt forced and faded quickly. Some were wonderful until they weren’t… for all sorts of reasons. And yes, there were painful endings.

But the one constant? God has never failed to provide the people I needed in the season I was in. He knows exactly who belongs in our lives and when.

Today, I’m thankful for the friends who have walked with me 20+ years, and I’m just as thankful for the newer ones who’ve been around a handful of years. The friendships that mean the most to me are the ones where we point each other back to the Lord. We don’t let each other wallow in self-pity. We lovingly call each other out when gossip starts creeping in. We pray for each other, encourage one another, and laugh until our sides hurt.

And no, God didn’t give me that massive group of girlfriends to pile into a minivan and road trip every weekend. Instead, He gave me a few. And you know what? I absolutely love that. They’re real. They’re faithful. They love God, they love their families, and they embrace their awkwardness right alongside me (maybe even more than I do… ha!).

For the Woman Still Longing for a Friend

Maybe you’re reading this and your heart aches because you’d give anything for even just one friend like that. I see you. I’ve been there. And I know it’s hard.

We were created for relationship, and when it feels absent, the ache can feel unbearable. I wish I could give you a three-step process that guarantees a deep, lasting friendship but it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes it’s fear that holds us back. Sometimes it’s busyness. Sometimes it’s simply not putting ourselves out there. Maybe it’s something as small as staying a little longer after church, introducing yourself to someone new, or taking the scary step of inviting another woman out for coffee.

Here’s what I’ve learned: the Lord is faithful. If friendship is a longing in your heart, ask Him for it. He delights to give us good gifts. And while we wait, let’s not forget that He is the Friend who never leaves.

The Best Friend of All

Human friendships are such a gift, but they aren’t ultimate. Jesus Himself told His disciples:

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends…” (John 15:15)

That blows me away every time I read it. The Creator of the universe called His disciples friends. No friendship on earth can top that.

Jesus not only is our friend but He is kind enough to give us each other. Friends who sharpen us, pray with us, and love us through our quirks. Think about David and Jonathan’s loyal bond (1 Samuel 18). Or Ruth and Naomi’s steadfast love (Ruth 1:16-17). Or Paul and Timothy’s partnership in the gospel (Philippians 2:19-22). These friendships weren’t Instagram-worthy, but they were kingdom-worthy.

So yes, friendships can be complicated, messy, and sometimes heartbreaking. But they can also be one of the sweetest ways God shows His faithfulness. He knows who we need, and when we need them. Sometimes it’s one person, sometimes it’s a handful. But always, His provision is good.

And at the end of the day, we can rejoice that no matter what our friend circles look like, we already have the trust, most faithful Friend in Christ.

Things I’m loving…

Consuming Culture: Why What We Consume Matters

The other day I hopped on Instagram and was met with breaking news: Taylor Swift is engaged! Cue the confetti canons, champagne glasses, and millions of Swifties crying happy tears into their cat-shaped mugs.

Now, I’ll be honest with you, I am not a Swiftie. (Don’t throw tomatoes! Or friendship bracelets!) But as I scrolled through the tidal wave of posts, I found myself thinking less of Taylor and more about entertainment in general. The music we play, the shows we binge, the books stacked on our nightstand… does it actually matter for us as Christians?

The Classic Excuse

I’ve heard it, I’ve said it: “It doesn’t affect me.” Or the close cousin: “It doesn’t make me want to sin.”

But here’s the head-tilting irony: If we truly believe worship music, reading the Bible, and soaking up Christ-centered teaching does affect us for good (and it does!), then why do we think secular entertainment somehow gets a free pass? It’s kind of like saying, “Broccoli nourishes me, but eating Skittles for dinner has no effect whatsoever.” Really?

My Own Netflix Moment

And listen, I’m not preaching this from a pedestal. I struggle too. Just the other day I hopped on Netflix and saw a show I used to watch. Nostalgia hit me, and before I knew it, I was two episodes in.

But then I had to stop myself: What am I doing? This wasn’t glorifying the Lord. It wasn’t filling my heart with anything good or pure. I wasn’t even using my time wisely. It was just an excuse. For me, the excuse usually sounds like: “I deserve a brain break, and the Lord won’t mind.”

Buuuutttt… here’s the thing. Those “brain breaks” have a way of quietly shaping our affections. And if I’m honest, I don’t want my heart dulled to the Lord because of cheap entertainment.

What Scripture Says

This is where Philippians 4:8 comes barreling into the conversation:

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Paul doesn’t give us an exhaustive list of do’s and don’ts. Instead, he gives us a grid. Will this song, book, or show lead me to dwell on what is honorable and pure or is it slowly normalizing sin, even making light of it?

Romans 12:2 adds another layer:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.

Translation: our playlists, podcasts, and Friday-night movie marathons aren’t neutral. They shape us. They disciple us.

The Heart Questions

Instead of asking, “Does this make me sin?” what if we asked better questions?

  • Does this draw me closer to Christ, or dull my affections for Him?
  • Does this celebrate what God calls good, or make light of what He calls sin?
  • Am I making excuses to justify something that, deep down, I know isn’t healthy for my soul?

Ouch, I know. Those questions land right in the gut. But sometimes the most freeing thing we can do to stop excusing and start examining.

This Isn’t Legalism

Let me be clear: this isn’t about compiling a master list of “bad” artists or “approved” movies (because then we’d all be arguing about whether The Office is acceptable and nobody has time for that).

This is about slowing down long enough to ask, “Does this glorify the Lord?” Not in a nitpicky, joy-sucking way, but in a way that’s honest, freeing, and ultimately good for our souls.

A Final Thought

We can’t claim that entertainment doesn’t affect us while simultaneously affirming that worship, the Bible, and Christian content do affect us. That’s not logical and it’s not biblical. Everything we consume leaves a mark. The question is: What kind of mark?

Reflect & Respond

Before you turn on Netflix tonight or hit play on Spotify, pause for a moment and ask:

  • Does this help me love Christ more?
  • Does this celebrate what God calls good, or make light of what He calls sin?

And maybe, just maybe, swap out an hour of scrolling for time in the Word or listening to something that fills your heart with truth. Trust me, it nourishes you more than a bag of Skittles.